I’ve learned something from writing this blog and seeing the response to my wife’s recent guest post, the world needs people who have an impact.

Not people grinding through the motions of life. Not people worried about what’s in it for them or their ego. People who are willing to have an impact.

Let’s take my wife’s post. It received effusive, emotional comments on Facebook, including this sampling of excerpts:

• “wow…”
• “l love it.”
• “I needed to read those words today!”
• “Love, love, love this post!”
• “I related to this post in so many ways”
• “Beautiful. Brave. Inspiring.”
• “Incredibly honest and courageous…”
• “I think she wrote that for me.”

I shared the link to her post on Facebook. It received 139 likes, dozens of comments, and 13 shares…with all kinds of additional interaction off those shares.

That’s a pretty nice reach. Want to know a bigger number?

2,086.

That’s the number of page views her post has received as I type this text. That’s out of almost 8,000 overall page views for this site since I started it on April 30 (and more views than the site’s homepage!). Add the quantitative response of the page views with the qualitative response of the comments, and it’s crystal clear my wife had an impact.

The ironic part: my lovely bride was nervous to have the post go live. She was afraid of how people would respond. I think we answered that, and created a great example that your impact can be more meaningful than you expect.

Having an impact is why I started this blog, which was basically a response to finding out my transformation, as seen in person and on social media, was inspiring people…an outcome I never expected.

Where else do I have an impact today?

• Professionally: I lead a team of 10 people, each with visible roles across a large, changing company in a complex industry. And I’m also a significant face of the company internally and externally. There are times I know I’m having an impact, and doing so intentionally. There are also times I don’t know, and only find out later.
• Healthy living: the number of people who say they’ve been inspired by my transformation and what to know more about it, often after seeing it unfold on social media still startles me. I’m just doing what I do, and for some reason it sticks.
• In the home: how I show up in as a father and husband really matters to me. It’s light years better now than before my transformation, but still a challenge. Why? Life. Life still has challenges. Life is stressful. And I’m not perfect. I have years of flawed behavior and responses to life’s problems that I have to unwind now. That’s a constant work in progress.

I call those out because there’s a point where you just have to be intentional, do what you need to do, but not try to control the outcome. That’s not anything crazy or revolutionary, and may not mean adding new activities to your life. It just might mean doing them differently, with a clear intention, then going with the flow from there. The impact you have by doing so may surprise you.

Example: I didn’t have any real plans when I started this blog, just the idea that I had something to say and wanted a venue to say it. The rest followed.

Including now finding myself frequently stopped by friends or acquaintances at professional or social events who mention this blog and talk about it. My wife has seen it unfold and can attest, it’s odd, a bit unexpected, and rewarding, all at the same time.

Why odd and unexpected? The people saying something often aren’t the ones who have “liked” or commented when I’ve posted links on Facebook or LinkedIn. They’re not the ones who message me on FB out of the blue to say something about a post they just read. They’re people I wouldn’t otherwise know have read it.

That’s exactly the point. You have an impact even when you don’t realize it.

So my advice: carry yourself accordingly. Someone’s watching, and may learn or be inspired by you. That’s a fact. The only question is what are you doing, knowing that, to have an impact?

Kids. Kids break my heart.

No, not my kids. I’ve written about my son and my daughter. I’m very proud of them and the young man and woman they’ve become. Yeah, they’re teenagers, so things aren’t perfect. They can be kind of maddening sometimes. That’s what teenagers do. But, that’s not what I’m talking about.

Kids in pain. Kids getting a raw deal. That’s what breaks my heart.

My lovely bride used to work in social services. I’ve heard more than a few sad tales that make you want to do very bad things to the adults responsible. My wife is out of that business now, but I heard another tale today.

A friend of hers, living with her husband and an infant, recently had her husband’s 6-year old nephew and 8 year-old niece placed in their home. They had been in foster care for a year after their mother abandoned them with a babysitter. Those kids come out of foster care into a nice little home with two caring adults, but a home where a young family isn’t swimming in money.

I’ve been there. Single income, and not a big one at that. Spouse and children. Not enough money for much of anything besides the basics, and even those can be a struggle at times. Making it really because of being super thrifty, plus aid from friends and family. It’s hard. It’s stressful. At times, it just fucking sucks.

Now add two other kids, who just need someone to love them. They come to their new home with pretty much nothing. The little boy’s birthday is in a couple days. They asked for oatmeal for their first lunch with their new family. CPS was helping the family find beds, sheets, and other basics today.

My heart hurts for them. We’re going to help, because we can. But, my heart hurts not just because the story is sad; it hurts because childhood trauma like that is scientifically proven to dramatically increase the odds of trauma across the spectrum of that child’s life when they become an adult (I highly recommend reading information on the ACE study and/or a presentation by Dr. Robert Anda on the topic; it will make you re-think how you consider supporting both children and adults in life). Today’s sad story for a child all too often becomes society’s problem in the future, in addition to an adult wracked with pain.

I have another example close to home. One of my children’s friends is in a bad place. They cut themselves sometimes. Their home life is a fucking train wreck. Ok on the surface, mired in complex and painful dysfunction with extended family when you dig deeper. Not exactly a good place for vibrant mental health and emotional development…as if being a teenager wasn’t tough enough emotionally.

Our home is a safe place for that friend. They know they can come over whenever they need to. My wife and I have spent time with them. We’re intentional about showing we care, because we do. They’re a good kid. Just one getting a raw deal. And my heart hurts because of it.

What does that mean?

Maybe it means we should do what we can to help kids when we can. Maybe that’s money. Maybe that’s time. Maybe that’s offering a safe place. Maybe it’s getting real with them or the adults in their life if the time is right. Maybe it just means praying for them, because sometimes that’s all you can do.

Maybe there are more ways. What about your professional life?

I used to work at the U.S. Department of Education, helping implement No Child Left Behind; an important, laudable, at-times controversial, and imperfect education reform law. It passed in partnership between President George W. Bush and the late Senator Ted Kennedy, with the 100% meritorious goal of eliminating the achievement gap between affluent and white kids versus poor and minority kids. What did I like about that job? Helping advance the education of kids who needed it most, getting a better education so as adults, they could break the cycle and not need that help.

One of the most memorable school visits I did in that job was at an elementary school in Boise, Idaho, in a not very good part of town. By stereotype, the school should have been pretty bad. It was one of the best in the state.

Why?

People. People who cared. The principal created a culture that didn’t accept excuses for why kids couldn’t learn. Her view: yes, those kids had challenges. Their homes might be broken. They might be poorly clothed. They might not have school supplies. They might not get a reliable three square meals a day. But when they walked through the doors of that school every day, the staff was going to do everything they could to help those children learn. And they did.

When the pleasant reading areas assembled in the hallways at that school, complete with comfortable couches and chairs, were a sought-after reward by the students, somebody is doing something right. And those kids are much more likely to be successful later in life because of the environment those educators created.

What are you doing right to help a kid?

I bet you could find one who needs it. I mean really needs it.

A kind word. Some time to talk. An unexpected birthday present. Some athletic gear or school supplies they need. Some food so their parents can provide good, healthy meals.

Because when I look into the eyes of a kid who comes from a shitty home and is eager to learn, when I look into the eyes of a kid who is going hungry sometimes, when I look into the eyes of a kid who is cutting themselves because their emotional state is such a mess, when I look into the eyes of a kid who doesn’t understand why the adult in their life is being such an ass to them…I want to do something more.

Maybe we all should.

Update: minor edits made for clearer factual accuracy.

Members of the #USWNT holding the World Cup Trophy after their 5-2 victory over Japan.

A friend on Facebook posted this article last week, “The Single Most Important Lesson We Need to Learn from the US Women’s World Cup Victory.”

Single Most? Maybe. Important? Hell, yes.

Why should kids be given the opportunity to play sports, especially girls? The author writes:

[E]ncouraging your daughters to play sports does more than just fill a win-loss column; it can fundamentally transform the course of her life, her confidence, and her resilience long after she stops playing. …

They become part of something bigger than themselves, something bigger than a game, and the resulting confidence, camaraderie, and connections they build pay dividends long after they hang up their cleats or play their last minute. …

…playing sports gave me a lasting gift: to know what it’s like to give it all, to know how to lead, to know how to follow, and to know what it means to push yourself harder than you ever imagined possible.

Exactly.

The same applies to both boys and girls who seek to compete. But, I think there is a special opportunity to support female athletes in the sports they pursue.

I saw it first hand serving as an assistant swim coach in college, at the University of Mary Washington. It was Division III. No one was going to the Olympics, and few would even going to NCAA Nationals. But, damn did being on that team — like many others — have an impact on people.

The moments I remember most? It’s not an athlete that had an incredible race, who swam an amazing time, or buried a rival opponent in their wake (though those are fun!). It’s the moments when an athlete’s character was tested, and they showed up even better.

• I remember sitting on the side of a pool deck on our annual training trip to Florida, talking to a young woman who was ready to quit. Not just the set, or the practice, or even the trip. She was ready to quite the sport. Right then. We talked for quite a while. She finished the set, the practice, the trip, and the season.
• I remember coaching a young woman who had a rough freshman year. The transition to college didn’t go smoothly. Her training was rough. Her race times in season were off. She could have sandbagged it from there, but, she was a warrior and an emerging leader on the team.She kept at it. And became the only swimmer in conference history to win both Rookie of the Year and Conference Swimmer of the Year. She never lost a race at the conference championship meet during her four years at Mary Washington and is in the school’s Hall of Fame today. Those are really nice accomplishments, but I’ll always remember the look on her face on the pool deck after swimming a time that qualified her for her first collegiate national meet. A season’s worth of toil, pain, pride and accomplishment, all in a single snapshot.
• I remember a meet against an out-of-conference rival that usually kicked our tails, Gettysburg College. They came into our pool and put their banner up our diving board. A slap in the face to a team already grinding through a rough stretch of training before the final taper leading up to conference championships.  I recall being rather animated in the pre-meet pep talk that day after seeing that. Hell, I still remember some of the things I said, word for word. The result: those men and women swam out of their minds. The women, who usually lost in a close contest, pummeled Gettysburg that year. The men, who usually were on the receiving end of a rough day, narrowly lost. And by narrowly, I mean there were three races where we were just out-touched by a split second. Had we won any one of the three, the men would have won the meet. The worst part: it was the same swimmer in each case getting out-touched at the end of an individual race or a relay. That was a brutal outing for him. We went out to dinner afterward and talked about the meet. He was a tough kid and I figured he would bounce back, but you never know. He later qualified for nationals and became an All-American. He’s also in the school’s Hall of Fame today too.

Where are those athletes, and others like them today? They’re usually successful professionals, and better people in life because the learned something in sports. All three of the athletes I described above have really cool professional careers today. Men or women, boy or girl, those are opportunities we should fight for them to have, so they can compete, learn, and grow.

Fight for them? Yes, fight.

Sometimes teams and sports are cut in the era of Title IX and revenue-rich football and basketball teams driving athletic department decisions. My own sport of swimming is particularly vulnerable to it because pools are a high capital cost with little revenue return. I’ll gladly fight for teams to remain so student-athletes can compete.

Sometimes, it isn’t about the team being available, it’s about the kid being given the chance to compete. To be supported by their family. Cheered on by their peers. That chance to compete and grow as part of a team is no small part of my son’s story, even as his sports career has likely come to an end before college begins. You have to give them that chance, then support them. That’s on all of us as parents, family members, school mates, and fans. The rewards are so very worth it.

If you follow me on social media it may be no surprise to see me cheerleading for amateur sports, especially for girls. They are some of the great character builders available to our young men and women today.

And sometimes, we get the added pleasure of seeing a group of them rise up, grow…and become World Champions. Making them the role models for the next generation of athletes who will be inspired by the US Women’s World Cup victory this year.

I can’t wait to see that next generation in action.

No, not your nationality or your ethnicity. Your people.

The people who bring out the best in you. The people you want to be around. The people that inspire and support you. The people who make you better at life. The people that love you for who you are, not what you are.

I spent the better part of this past week at a yoga retreat in the mountains of Oregon with some of my people (and without cell coverage or wifi!). It was splendid.

Do the math on my childhood, education, socio-economic status, profession, etc. and you might think my people are:

• Upper-middle class
• Suburban
• White Collar
• Executives
• Churched
• Politicos

False.

Here’s who my people often are:

• Yogis
• Urban
• The health conscious
• Dones (who have left the church but not faith)
• Tough Mudders
• Swimmers
• Athletes

Why? They bring out the best in me. They inspire me. They make me feel part of a community. Yeah, my people in sum are a weird mix. I’m a weird guy. I’ve long since embraced that…with a smile!

Obviously, no one fits neatly into the those categories. I have friends and others I enjoy spending time who fit descriptors on both lists, but the trend toward the latter is crystal clear in my life.

Why should you care who your people are?

Are you languishing in life? Feeling unmotivated? Feeling like you’re a modern-day Sysiphus, repeatedly pushing a boulder up a hill for no positive gain?

You might not be with your people. And you probably aren’t, as a yogi might say, following your dharma: living your true purpose in life.

Sometimes that’s a chicken or the egg question. Which comes first, following your dharma or surrounding yourself with the right people? The answer depends on each individual’s experience. I found both almost simultaneously after way too many stagnant, miserable years of knowing neither. My experience is you won’t be able to authentically pursue your purpose in life with the wrong people around you.

That gets to a truly difficult issue. Sometimes finding your people means letting others go and moving outside the comfortable. You have to — and may eventually find yourself wanting to — let them go. That can include family, friends, current and former professional colleagues, etc.

Sometimes it happens quickly, sometimes it happens over time…and sometimes it’s really fucking painful.

The family you always spend time with by tradition? Some of them may be toxic. The people at the house of worship you’ve grown accustomed to attending? They may not give you the space or support to grow outside their comfort zone. The profession or circle of friends you pursued for years because that’s just what you did? Maybe you’ll wake up one day and realize there’s something more you want to be. Maybe you have already had that experience and don’t know what to do next.

On the other hand, maybe you naturally found your people in life. Maybe they’re who you’re with today. That’s truly wonderful and you should consider yourself blessed.

But, if you haven’t, or if you having lingering doubts about whether those you surround yourself with are truly helping make you better in life, let me encourage you: find them. Find your people.

Finding them will force you try new things. To grow. To find not just what you’re good at, but what makes you excited to live the life you’re leading.

And that is so very worth it.

Who’s on the $10 bill? The most consequential Founding Father you may know nothing about. Were it not for the recent kerfuffle about it many of us might not know it’s Alexander Hamilton. Why should we care about him? The man:

• Was a driving force in the creation of our the Constitution, including being a key author of the Federalist Papers, the persuasive series of essays that helped assure the Constitution’s ratification by the states, and which are still cited in our court system today.
• Played a massive and leading role as George Washington’s right-hand, first as a military aide, then in the establishment of our federal government…from scratch.
• Nearly single-handedly created the monetary and financial system upon which our economy rests today…including serving as the nation’s first Treasury Secretary (at 34 years old!) and establishing our first National Bank (today’s Federal Reserve).

Put more simply: no individual played a greater role in the creation and early implementation of our durable and successful government and economy than Hamilton. And we don’t know who the hell he is. Some of that is the weakness of our civic knowledge as a country, some is the vagaries of the writing of history. We know George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, et. al.

Hamilton is left as a bastard of history; the Jon Snow of our Founding Fathers (..and yes, Game of Thrones fans loved that reference).

Ironic, because Hamilton was born a bastard in the British West Indies, and later orphaned. He is the epitome of a self-made man, and also the epitome of a flawed man. He was so very American.

He never achieved high elected office himself, in part because of the negative side effects of his fierce ego. His lengthy public response to charges of corruption and infidelity (the former false, the latter true) cleared his name yet finished him as a plausible national candidate. Hamilton was all too human.

All too human…and phenomenally consequential.

The first Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, John Marshall, considered himself but a candle compared to the noonday sun that was Hamilton. My brief description of Hamilton does little more than scratch the surface of his accomplishments (other examples: he was also at one point senior commander of the United States Army and an abolitionist before being an abolitionist was cool).

Hamilton’s separate careers as a lawyer and Constitutional advocate, Cabinet member and financial system architect, as well as a military and diplomatic adviser and leader would be highly consequential each by themselves. Combine them together and you have an unrivaled, diverse record of accomplishment in American history.

My former boss, Slade Gorton, has said ” we build monuments to Thomas Jefferson, but we live in Alexander Hamilton’s world.”

It’s true.

And on this July 4th, in the wake of the Department of the Treasury saying they plan to slight the man who created them, Alexander Hamilton deserves to be honored as we remember what this day means for our country. Because he did so very much to create what still thrives to this day.

Postscript on the $10 bill debate: I’m 100% in agreement on adding important woman from history to our currency…and doing so first at the expense of Andrew Jackson, a slave owner, veritable committer of genocide, President of little consequence, and man who opposed the use of the very paper money on which he sits. Good, short articles on the merits of Hamilton and demerits of Jackson include:

• A defense of Hamilton from his pre-eminent biographer, Ron Chernow
• A full takedown of Jackson by a Washington Post White House reporter
• Support of Hamilton’s economic and monetary chops from former Chair of the Federal Reserve, Ben Bernanke
• A pro-Hamilton, anti-Jackson take from the Washington Post’s political science blog
• A pro-woman on the currency, pro-Hamilton view from the New York Times

I told a member of my team at the office earlier this year that her mission was to “be comfortable with people being uncomfortable with you” based on the kind of work we’d have to do this year, which would take some people outside their comfort zones.

Ironic, including in the wake of my recent post on balance, that I’m totally uncomfortable today.

Do you like being uncomfortable?

I fucking don’t.

And I’ve been there all day.

I haven’t felt on my A-game in a while. That happens sometimes. But, the last couple days I really haven’t felt it. I’ve been worn out, lacking energy, and more negative than positive…culminating in today just not being in a good place and having to deal with the reality I wasn’t showing up the way I wanted to at home or at work.

I hate that.

One of my faults in the past is I would have dwelt on that and not been able to get out of the spiral. Kinda like this:

Trust me, that doesn’t help you show up better. Grumpy Cat is false!

My solution today: clearing my head. Letting go of what I couldn’t control. Focusing on my breath. Swimming. Getting a massage. Cranking through many a to-do for work before I totally disconnect for a week

Am I better now? Kind of.

I’m definitely not grumpy cat. I’m also definitely not perfect and have some good reminders of where I can and should continue to grow.

Maybe that’s the yogi in me. Yoga instills a lot of that acceptance of imperfection — without losing your shit — and inevitably requires you to look at where you can improve moving forward. Dwelling in the past isn’t really an option.

That was my day. It was imperfect. My ego doesn’t like that.

Can you tell your ego, “tough shit!”?

I hope so. I’m only slowly getting better at it.

A friend asked me recently:

how did you fit exercise into your life–how did you actually make it work? I know what it’s like to work at Premera … plus you’re a husband and father. …  I think a lot of people struggle with daily life taking over.

That’s 100% true. The struggle is real. The answer: I just make it happen.

How? Make it a priority and let other things fall by the wayside.

I read this answer from former Chrysler CEO Lee Iacocca more than a few years ago and it has always stuck with me:

‘How could somebody as busy as you go to all those swim meets and recitals?’ “I just put them down on my calendar…”

Yes, he was talking about making appointments to be there as a parent. That’s one thing, and important. But, why stop there if it’s a priority? Just put it down on your calendar.

I’m a successful health insurance executive and I currently have on my work calendar a twice-a-week break in the middle of the day where I go to a nearby, outdoor pool for a lap swim and then come back to work. That’s just during the summer because swimming outside is great for both my physical and mental well-being. And if there is a true need or conflict at work, I won’t be able to leave. It also doesn’t detract from the amount of work I still have to accomplish in any given week. But, it’s just on my calendar.

Can everyone leave work in the middle of the day like that? No, but you can find time at some point in the day to focus on your health. Since my daughter is not yet 16, my workout schedule this past school year often revolved around her. I frequently worked out before taking her to school (for a painful 7:20 am start time)…and/or took a yoga class while she was at dance classes in the evening.

The same principle of prioritizing and making it happen applies to the rest of my life. I have four big priorities right now: being a husband, being a father, being a professional, and being healthy.

That’s it.

I don’t have time for more if I’m going to give those the attention they deserve.

Not on that list anymore:

• Watching TV shows, except Game of Thrones and Vikings (both of which have concise, limited seasons).
• Paying attention to politics. That used to be one of my things. I hardly follow it now, let alone participate.
• Playing video games or related entertainment. Do I like that stuff? Yep. Don’t have time for it though.

You know what else I don’t have time for? Wasting time at work.

I have a demanding job with a lot of responsibility. I’m very intentional now about being as efficient as possible, declining meetings I don’t need to attend, and trusting my team to do their work well. Otherwise, my job could suck the life out of me. And I’m a much better professional when my life is in balance anyway.

The root of that balance is when I started time-demanding training for a Tough Mudder, which pretty much required me to prioritize to stay sane. It helped then that my hardest training was when my kids were out of school for the summer. But, it still required me to set those same four priorities I hold today.

Why have I kept them? The husband, father, and professional ones speak for themselves. But, being healthy? Bluntly: I found I feel amazing when I’m eating well and staying fit, with related benefits for my mental, spiritual, and emotional health. Trust me, that’s so very worth it.

How do I stick with it now? Being relentless about not dwelling on things. This riff from a college friend resonates with me:

Q. What everyday thing are you better at than anybody else?  A. Compartmentalizing.  I have several fulltime focuses, but only a limited amount of emotional and mental energy to devote to each one.  Here’s a visual for my process.  Pretend each item you’re dealing with in life is a room where you have to walk in and solve an equation on a white board. You have a countdown clock with less than an hour to get the problem solved, or take a single step in the right direction, and then shut the door and go into another room equally as important.  You spend your entire life going from compartment to compartment, and if that sounds hectic, that’s because it is.  But I get a hell of a lot done and usually don’t get overly hung up over anything.

What’s your balance? What will allow you to move from room to room without getting hung up?

Find it. And do whatever you need to do to keep it.

My son, Joseph, graduated from a private college prep school last week, the same one as me. His story is probably not what you expect. It’s part of why I love him the way I do.

His graduation ceremony acknowledged family connections to the school, including 2nd generation students like him. There were several of those in his graduating class, with a big difference: those kids’ parents were almost all graduates in the 80s, even the 70s. For Joseph, they noted that I graduated in the class of 1993. There’s a reason for that.

Joseph was born to two parents who didn’t know what the hell they were doing.

My now lovely bride discovered she was pregnant with Joseph after going to the hospital on the heels of miraculously escaping serious injury in an ugly car accident in the summer of 1996. She was 19 at time. I was 20. I was in between my junior and senior years at college in Virginia. Stephani lived near Seattle, where we met. This was neither planned nor ideal.

We made it through my senior year near the end of the era when long distance phone calls existed, cell phones and email did not. We had a brutal scare when Joseph was almost born way too early when I was home over Christmas break. Stephani was on bed rest from there until when Joseph was born. I wasn’t there for the birth on February 26, 1997. All of that sucked.

I came home after graduating and got a job as a Congressional staffer (pretty much like being a starving graduate student). Stephani and I moved in together and got married on March 28, 1998. Life was not easy.

We were figuring it out as we went, with our own individual problems, the financial challenges of a young family on a small income, and the stress of parenthood all colliding. We started having kids young, so we decided to finish having kids young too. Joseph’s sister, Sophia, was born on September 23, 1999.

We were flawed, but we made our kids a priority. Joseph has gone to private school from preschool through today. My God, that hasn’t been easy. While we tried hard, we were far, far from perfect parents…which is the whole reason Stephani and I had cause to have life-changing transformations in the summer of 2013. Those serious flaws certainly didn’t help either of our kids in their own growth and development.

Along the way, we didn’t pay enough attention to some warnings that Joseph was having problems despite generally good grades. Early in 6th grade, the wheels started coming off the bus and he was diagnosed with ADHD. His behavior was fine, his organizational skills were a walking disaster. The rest of 6th grade, and junior high, required a lot of hands-on attention from us that was time consuming and often brutally maddening, as fellow parents of kids with ADHD will attest.

Joseph was never a natural athlete. He played soccer a bit when he was young. He finally found a niche in tae kwon do. He became a black belt, which in retrospect foreshadowed his future toughness and dedication. In junior high he started playing football. Politely, he wasn’t very good.

To his fortune, King’s High School is a no-cut football team. They’re a perennial state play off team now. You turn out, you make the team. You might not play much but, you’re on the roster. That’s pretty much what Joseph was facing as a freshman.

Head Coach Jim “Shap” Shapiro said of my son that from that point “Joseph set out to be the best Joseph he could be.” Shap said that after Joseph’s senior season when he was receiving his 2nd straight Coach’s Award for being exactly the kind of stellar teammate a coach and other players want (which is a testament both to Joseph’s character and hard work as well as to Shap’s leadership of that program that turns boys into young men like nothing I’ve ever seen). Joseph went from having little business being on the team to starting on the offensive line in the playoffs for a squad that went to the state quarterfinals. He was a team captain the night of his last game. I’ll never forget that.

Meanwhile, we steadily took our hand off the till with Joseph’s school work. Long, frustrating, nightly sit downs to review homework, organization of his notebook, and other basic tasks eventually evolved into the simple, normal: “did you do your homework tonight?” He’s graduating from that prep school with a 3.4 GPA. He took AP courses and classes like Physics. He’s a history geek (like me). He’s incredibly smart…and his grades would have been higher if he remembered to turn in his homework!

Here’s what counts: that kid who was born in less than ideal circumstances, to two flawed parents, who suffered with ADHD, who isn’t a blessed athlete…is an absolutely amazing person.

• He obviously graduated from a high quality, college prep high school with a strong academic career.
• He lettered in football twice, and for three years in track & field (where he also won the Coach’s Award this year too).
• In August he’s going to Carroll College, the #1 ranked regional college in the West. There he’s going to join the Army ROTC, because that’s the kind of guy he is.
• And in the words of my lovely bride: “He is kind. He is compassionate. He is smart, funny as hell, and his energy is healing. He’s quiet and doesn’t say much most of the time, but loves so fucking deep it’s painful to watch. He’s a natural leader: his football coach stated…’Joe is the kid that would run back into the burning building to save his friends.’

Yes, he is. He is that kid. In spite of the challenges he faced. And now he’s that man.

That’s my boy. And I love him more than words can describe